we are safe at night
when the moon takes the sky
we are safe at night
when the stars sail up high

I am now living in Toronto, officially, and as much as I was looking forward to this day for the past four months, the whole event now seems empty and devoit of any anticipation I held for so long. Still waiting for my roommate to move in. The parents are still with me and helping me settle in, though they will soon leave and Vanessa will be my new living buddy.

I feel:
restless
exhausted
distant
hermitudeness (I like to make up words)
anxiety
stress
retreat
heavy

I feel completely unlike myself. I guess we can only see what the next few days and months will bring before my life for next summer has been decided.

I'm sure this will pass.

PS. Still no internet, at my aunt's place, need to be connected once more.

Ironic that my first entry will be about something most of you have never witnessed or know anything about when it comes to the subject of little old (or should I say young... even though people say I'm an old soul... I guess it just depends on how you view things) me.

My recent artistic activity has reached a slump to which I am trying to dig my way out of, but we all know that digging just makes the whole that much bigger, so it's almost as if it's a self-inflicted slump... wait... does that make sense? I don't think it does. Oh well, don't try and understand what I'm attempting to explain, due to my incapability to properly verbalise my thoughts (or in this vase, write).

My artistic crisis is a result of my firm belief that everything I am doing right now is either crap or a regurgitation of what I have already done. There is nothing in the various art fields I participate in that brings anything more to my life, or to my nonsensical perspective of life. It's all dull, repetitive, and reduntant (much like this blog entry, w00t).

Dancing hasn't been the centre of my life for quite some time now, even though it was for about ten years, so I won't really get into that since it doesn't have all that much to do with this present entry.

Recently, I have been writing less music than before. Usually one would believe that it means "instead of writing just anything and coming up with ten songs worth shit and only one decent song, I'm going to only write decent stuff". Saddly, it seems like all of them are not really worth my time. I'm writing in the same style that I always have. Yes, a style is something very personal towards each artist and sometimes it's better that it doesn't change, but that it grows instead. Unfortunately, I could never be that simple. I'd rather experience different styles at this point, but I can't seem to break myself out of the mold I have already created for myself, even though it seems like I haven't even reached the beginning. Must break the stupid mold, GAH! I need to find new things to write about it. The only positive aspect I can find (always trying to find a posi to balance with my overpowering cynicism) is that I have begun to incorporate my French and English lyrics together into songs, instead of strictly writing in a single language all of the time.

For the past few weeks, I have been trying to do as much darkroom work as I possibly can before going back to school and losing private darkroom privileges. Why do all of my photos suck right now? Revising some of my older contact sheets, I notice that there are some images carrying interesting aspects, but all of the negatives taken in the last year have absolutely nothing to capture the eye. Strangely, I have unknowingly been trying a different style. My past photographs have all centred around impressionism, and I was comfortable with that. Now, it seems that I'm trying to touch the formalist aspect of photography. I can say quite honestly that it's not working. So at this point, I have two options: 1) try to force myself to return to impressionism, or, 2) follow whatever the hell I'm doing right now instinctually and see where it takes me. Still, it would be encouraging if at least ONE photo out of the dozens I've taken this year would be worth a real print.

The last art department that I will rant about (and yes, I swear this is the last one, if any of you are even still reading this) is film. My first year at Ryerson in film was a blast, I will not deny that. I have trouble remembering a moment in all of my school work where I was miserable or on the verge of giving up. Basically, this was the first time I had ever truly done film; in the past I was nothing more than a lighting director and camera assistant. I guess, for this reason, I shouldn't be so hard on myself. But still, I have a right to be completely emo at times and I chose this moment, lol. The projects I have done on my own are noting spectacular. One of them even disgusts me and has absolutely nothing to do with how I feel, how I perceive, or what I believe. In fact, it's the exact opposit of who I fundamentally am. The group projects in the second semester were so much fun and the collaborative aspect was definitely an imaginative trigger. Unfortunately, I find myself to be completely invisible in all of the films I worked on. The one I edited was clearly Drew's movie, the one I directed just screamed Barron, even the one I wrote belonged to someone else, Sophie. When viewing the movies I have participated in, my presence just disappears and you only know that I was a part of it when the credits rolled at the end. Basically, this means that I do not have a style, but I simply feed off of what other people give me, and that does not lead me to any form of artistic individuality in film. Hopefully in second year, I will actually be able to develop a style and some kind of identification in the projects.

That's about it! This rant was far too long for any mentally stable person to spew (am I even mentally balanced? many would argue otherwise). So hopefully, anything that I will post in the future (and yes, I do plan on posting) will erase this crisis and restore some kind of artistic integrity.

Amour, paix et liberté!

Existential crisis? I don't know, let's find out.

Stupid me and not being able to mesh my lives together. Having a good time since I've been back to Ottawa, sentences will not follow a certain path, brain too tired to actually think. Will this even make sense? I can't say for sure. Been seeing a lot of the Nomer, which is never a bad thing. I love my cats and miss them so much when I'm in Toronto. Why does it feel like Toronto is taking its sweet ass time to start up. I want to go to classes again ,that just how much I enjoy them. I really shouldn't have had that walnut and maple syrup ice cream. Sugar overload. SHUGAR HANGOVERS! I'm actually not hyper, just too tired to react in any rational way. I have three jobs now, though I think the job at my school might be dying down now, since I finished with some of the graphic designs for their ads, so I guess you could say taht I only have two jobs now. Not so sure how ti works. CD Warehouse as you all know, and then a hospital job inputting data, filing, and doing other really boring administrative stuff. Good money though, boo to minimum wage. Going to a friend's concert tomorrow, which should be good. I think I would like to see Metric live. I wish I had more money to buy music and movies, you can never have enough. August 3rd I'm moving all of my stuff in Toronto. After that, I'll just be living out of a suitcase. Why can't I record equipment here? I want to bring my piano with me to the apartment.

Okay, I guess that was a brief summary of my life. I'm going to try and sleep now. Work in about 8 hours... and I just got off... now that's depressing. I should write a song soon to destress. Oh, have also picked up drawing, well, mostly just sketching and doodling to try and keep up with my design class for next year.

Away with me now!
Beavers are cool!
I love platypuses!
Don't you wish you were a penguin? I don't know if I do.
Why can't we just sleep when we're dead and live our lives as much as possible? Okay, stopping philosophical crisis. The subject of this entry has nothing to do with the actual entry.

Okay, official away.
Ai Rei the restless

Okay, stupid freackin' retail customers who just want to make my life a living hell. This might be updated as the day progresses, considering it is only noon and I have 6 more hours of this to put up with.

Customer 1:
A man named Miguel calls, barely talks above a whisper and tries to get me to find three cd's for him, which take forever because he would only give me the order number. For some reason, asking him to give me the name of the composer or the performer just doesn't make sense! So after dealing with finding three cd's that he was looking for (I had to actually block my other ear just to hear half of what he is saying) he asks me to order him a cd. Once again, he only has the order number, he refuses to give me the label, the performer, or the composer. Turns out that it was a Deutsche Gramophone cd with Chopin's Nocturns performed by Maurizio Pollini. If he told me that to begin with instead of just constantly giving me a barely audible number, maybe I would have found it sooner. But that's not the kicker, oh non, here's the kicker. After almost wanting to scream at him for being so difficult, I find his cd in the database and prepare to order it for him. Turns out that he already ordered it... THREE DAYS AGO!!! Why the hell did you want me to look it up and order it for you if you already ordered it and you KNEW it. THAT WAS IT!!! There were no questions of when it would come in or anything, just that! GACK! Don't make my life more complicated than it already is.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!1
ASLDfjwoieOIJWERKLNSDFIWUREJWREUJSKHFIWUREWOENR54FF46WRE15AWTR5S61G
asdfoiawujrwaejbriwajrhwaker
waeiwoahrkwaner
aw
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Gabadamuosochifuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuumaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Okay... finally got that out of my system.

I want to sleep.

Why does this woman keep calling me for the Nana Mouskouri cd that I ordered for her already? It's ordered! It's coming! Yes, you ordered six copies! Stop calling for me!

For the past couple of days, I have been feeling like I need to explode. Like my entire body just needs to rupture into multiple pieces that will be strewn across the ground. Only then will I feel a little more... well, shall we say, less restless? There are no words to make sense of it all right now. I just need to explode!

I saw X3 in the theaters. Planning on seeing it a second time with Right Brain and a third time with the dadotron! X-Men fans, this movie is the one with all of the X-Men action that we have been just begging for ever since we first heard that there would be movies over six years ago. Best way to describe the movie: Good, twist, twist, RAH, twist, action, twist, OMG, twist, sad, WHAT?, twist, twist, twist, twist, ACTION, OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG, twist, credits, end... TWIST, GAH! Real end. Can't wait to see it again with the Neenz on Tuesday. Far too excited and pumped! Maybe it's the excitement from seeing the movie and needing to watch it a second time that is making me want to explode.

I finally get to have my own apartment, with a roommate that is. Far too awesome! There's just something so liberating about it, even if my parents are helping out a lot with paying for rent. (I love Rent by the way, still full on the Broadway Production I saw in February, le sigh) Stuff will commence moving in on August 3rd and official move in to which I will stay will be in the last week of August. Dude, this is too weird!

Chocolate souffle anyone?

Staff party tonight, yet I have no food and no alcohol to bring. Mooching! Or starve and be sober! *wow, that sounds miserable*

I could go for some rasberry pie right now if not chocolate souffle.

Thinking of picking up the Gnarls Barkley cd tonight, it is highly addictive. I also have my eye set on Mozart's Requiem with the Berliner Philharmoniker and conducted by Herbert von Karajan. Oh how I love Karajan!

Oh, I have a second job now. Believe it or not, I was a substitue teacher for a grade 1 class yesterday. It was quite the experience! Not horrible, but I completely understand why teachers need their lunch breaks so badly. My job is really the secretary for a small school, but a teacher called in sick Friday morning and apparently the fact that I assisted dance to kids makes me fully qualified for the job. Continuing new experience on Monday until the end of June. Hooray for second jobs that pay better!

I want to be in Toronto. Jenny and Jules, come to Toronto with me so we may frolic once again the concrete streets of the city and speak of such evil deeds such as the power to DESTROY!

Okay, I want that freackin' souffle and rasberry pie.

Why is my mind so random?

Is random a bad thing? Not to be my knowledge. Just, don't try to understand this.

I'm going to stand in the corner of the classical section and mutter jibberish in a creepy childlike voice to scare off customers.

Pionk!

I have recently come to the realisation that I could never live in an Old Navy commercial. Seriously, everyone in there is just so happy and white-teeth-smiling all the time, and there are times when it even looks like the biggest fake smiling ever. A world where everyone smiles, there's nothing wrong, and you can just hold hands with any random stranger and be happy forever... I think that I'd probably end up killing myself.

...

wow, this was a pretty dark and angsty post in comparison to everything else I've written this year.

...

Don't take me wrong, I haven't gone emo. I'm just really sick and tired of the Old Navy Natural Colors, or Tones, or whatever they are, adds on the television.

<td align="center">Your walk is:
Crazy


Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com</td>


Does this really surprise anyone?

Here I am, in Ottawa, sitting on the footsteps in front of my house. At this very moment, I am waiting for Noémi to show up so we can spend an awesome night of not sleeping and being crazy all night long. Why have I decided to wait outside with my laptop at the front door? Who knows! I guess that's just how my mind works and I've never bothered to try and understand it... because really, I don't think I ever will.

Tomorrow morning, hopefully I'll be able to film something with the Nomer. I missed her so much. She will forever be my neighbour. Of course, I miss all the rest of you guys like crazy as well. There's nothing definite one what we're filming, but the main jiff of it is that we're probably going to make a music video of insanely bad quality and use one of the songs I have recently written for it. It's still debatable, but we'll see. I can't believe that last Tuesday was the last film shoot I had to direct for the rest of the school year. So really, I won't be holding up a camera to film for the next six months. That makes me ridiculously sad. I wish it wasn't so long. It's been less than a week and I feel like I'm going through film withdrawl of some sort. I guess it's a sign that I have chosen a good subject for me to study. I can't imagine doing anything else than film for the rest of my life. It's definitely what I want to do!

It's almost the end of the second semester, yet it still feels like I'm leading a double life. For those of you who remember, I posted a while ago that I thought it was kind of weird how it felt like I had a life in Toronto and one in Ottawa, and how for each of these lives, I was a different person. It still feels like that. I thought that once I had settled into Toronto and made myself more comfortable, my lives would somehow mold together into one and things would make a little bit more sense... that I wouldn't feel like I was leaving pieces of me behind for different people to witness. Unfortunately, this odd feeling of mine still hasn't left. I feel that in Toronto, I am this ridiculously random person who yells spontaneously in the middle of the busy downtown streets and can't conceive of a life without the constant surroundings of cinema. Then, I come back here, and all I can think about is working and earning money, realising how much little time I have to do all the things I want to do before I have to leave, and I become that same girl who denies any of her introvert affairs. In Toronto, I guess because at the end of the night, even if I am living in a building with hundreds of other people, I am alone with my thoughts and I can not deny what creeps into my mind. It's strange, I feel that if I'm Ottawa I am running away from something, but when I'm in Toronto I'm trying to run away from something completely different. It doesn't seem to make much sense. The strangest part of it all, I have made myself comfortable in both of these cities with a good circle of friends and a sense of community. They say that home is where the heart is... I wonder if they were wrong. I wonder if home is the place that we will never get to, because we will always be running away from something. Or maybe home is just what you make of it, even if you still run at the middle of the night.
...
Okay, that was a completely unnecessary tangent on my part. I'm just still waiting for the moment where both of my lives will somehow mold together to make me feel like a single person instead of two different ones. It's probably going to take some time.

Some things to list off:
1) I have found an apartment to live in next year. My roommate and I just have to contact the management of the building at the end of April so we can sign papers and everything to make it official. It's quite the nice place and has an AWESOME kitchen. Hooray, considering I love to cook and that is something I have missed dearly living in res. I'm so sick and tired of the food in res, yet I have to keep eating it due to my stupid meal plan, or else I'll lose all of the money.
2) I had an interview for a job as security at the front desk of the residences next year. It's 9$ an hour and I would work from 10 to 15 hours a week. It went well, and I really hope that I got the job, because that would help IMMENSELY with spending next year. Please PLEASE let me get it! I'll know next week through a phone call.
3) All that I have left for my film classes really is to edit a movie and that might just be it for filming. I find it hard to believe though, March isn't even over yet I'm not holding a camera anymore. Okay, stopping this now since you have all already heard it and this will just be really redundant (spell?).
4) The bohemian lifestyle is awesome! Adopt it people and you will feel free.
5) I love that the whole bisexual thing with me is just as normal being straight at Ryerson. It makes you feel more like a person instead of a label.
6) I have made a friend here at Ryerson, but not just an ordinary friend. This person has affected me on such a deep level that I can't even imagine how my first year would have been without this person. They mean the world to me, and even though we have only known each other a few months, they have become one of the most important people in my life. I love them dearly and care for them immensely. If one of you have met a friend like this, don't let go, and fight for the friendship if you have to, because this kind of love for a person is an amazing feeling that reminds you "you are not alone." Just to clarify, I am not in love with this person, but I do love them dearly and intend to have them as a part of my life for a long time to come. I just hope they know this.
7) To those who wonder why I have not met someone and why I am not looking to meet someone, I feel as though the passion I have newly acquired through my classes has filled a void that has long since been present. I don't believe that at this point having someone to share all of this with will fill anything more. I am happy with who I am and where I am going. If I happen to meet someone truly exceptional, then I will go for it... but until that happens, I am glad just being in the skin I'm in; with all of its faults and all of its beauties.

1) So it seems like I have somewhat abandonned the whole livejournalness. Guess it's just a lack of time issue thingie.

2) Working on my first collaborative film projects. I'm going to be filming sometime next weekend and I have to finish writing up a script sometime this weekend. It's kind of hard to explain how the whole collaboration thing is suppose to work out, but all to say... FILM SCHOOL IS FREACKIN' AWESOME!!! I LOVE It SO MUCH!

3) Been watching a heavy stream of movies lately. One of them that I feel I must express is the movie Ultraviolet. DON'T GO SEE IT! It is so unbelievably terrible that I rank it in the top three worst movies of all time. If you value your life or whatever sanity you might bear, do not go see this movie. I lost my mind while watching and wanted to blow my brains out. There wasn't a single thing about this movie that was worth remembering. The acting was terrible, the scripte horrid, there was no storyline, the special effects looked like they were taken out of a bad video game, and the actions choreography was less than impressive. You have all been warned!

4) I have been enjoying the single life quite a bit, for I have recently realised that there is no point in me getting involved with anyone until I feel that I am really comfortable with myself and where I am in my life. I figured this out a really long time ago, just didn't really verbalise it to anyone. I do feel bad though, because people have been somewhat flirting with me and I just have to end up telling them that I'm not looking.

5) I'm attempting to record a really rought three track demo, it needs a ridiculous amount of work, but here's hoping it's a project that I will be able to finish before the end of this school year.

6) I really need to find a full-time job for the summer. I'm thinking of returning to CD Warehouse part-time only during the weekends, and maybe during the evenings. They do need classical staff over the summer considering the main ones are off on vacation and one of them recently got let off.

7) I really need to sign a lease for next year. My roommate for next year and I were really on track for it, but have gotten so busy we never really finished it.

8) Music is such a huge part of my life. I will never be able to give it up!

9)
Beautiful secrets you guard them in your secrete garden
You water and nuture them until they're bigger than life

But you can't always know what they will uncover on the news
And you can't be too sure that your secret life won't show through

Beautiful speeches the lines that are preached here are only half-truth
Delicious like mrder, one step and you're further than you could admit

But you can't always know what they will uncover on the news
And you can't be too sure that your secret life won't show it through
- Sarah Blasko

10) That's all for now! Nothing too interesting.

Just thought that I would give everyone the heads up that for reading week...


















...














I'M GOING TO BE IN NEW YORK BABY! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
New york, NEW YORK!
OH!
And I'm going to see Rent on Broadway. CAN THIS GET ANY BETTER!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

I shall list the following entry as it will not make sense otherwise.

1) My internet has not been working for the past week. It's really starting to irritate me. So to all of you people who are wondering where the hell I am, or my msn keeps singing on and off every five minutes, it's because the ILLC (building I am living in) seems to have this problem with fixing the connection. I am presently using a friend's computer and possibly annoying her with my typing because her keyboard is really loud and she's sleeping. Anyway, I am not ignoring you people and miss you all. I just have no form of communication with Ottawa, Hamilton, Virginia, or Montreal, at the exception of the phone... and that is really expensive. :s

2) It's 5:24pm and all I've eaten today is a cookie. I seriously need to injest food before I faint. But where is the time to eat? It's slowly slipping out of my grasp.

3) I haven't been sleeping enough lately. Today's excuse is that my neighbour last night was so unbelievably drunk that she couldn't even move. So I stayed with her until 2am, when someone else came to stay with her for the night and look after her. I woke up half an hour late to start filming because I really needed to sleep. I refused to spend a whole day of filming with less than 8 hours of sleep. I just hope I can change this habit in time for the future. lol

4) So I seem to be lacking a lot lately, but not film! :D / o_O Today is proof enough that I've been doing my school work like a maniac. I woke up at 10am so I could reshoot some of my film for my assignment due on Thursday. I then helped Drew with his film from 2 until 3, he told me I could leave because I had a lot of stuff to do. I then recorded my audio project from 3 until 4:45. Now I am in Devon's room, possibly just sitting down for the FIRST TIME TODAY, and realising just how exhausted and hungry I am. BUT, it's Carling's birthday today, so I have to be fully awake until 2am and be ready to party and the such. Oh god! Luckily tomorrow is Sunday, so all I have to do is work on two Design projects due for Monday, read about 10 chapter of Homer's Odyssey, and have super with my sister. I have photos that I would like to post up here... aka, just one, and it's a suprise... but I can't due to internet stupidness, so I'll just have to wait and keep you all in suspense.

As for the rest, the next week will be without sleep either and I might just possibly die in the middle of one of my classes. All I have to say is, it's a damn good thing that I love my courses and filming! If I hated this, I wouldn't survive.

OH, and for those of you who don't know yet, I'm going to New York for study week with my film friends. AND, we're going to go see Rent on Broadway, my friend is presently in the process of getting us tickets. WAAAAAAAAAAAAH! WOOTNESS!

I know that I have not written much in my livejournal lately. Film school is really good at sucking your internet life out of you. I'm slowly starting to wonder if I'm absolutely sure that I strictly want to be a cinematographer for film. I mean, that will always be an interest of mine, but part of film that I have always wanted to do was work with the soundtrack. I'd like to be one of those people that searches for music for the cd to make it fit with the mood. Especially lately, I've just been looking up so much music over the internet, discovering new artists, and learning about the musical movement right now. English rock is starting to resemble more the music from the 60's and 70's, only with more synthesiser and different subject matter. Anyway, I won't get too far into that.

Most recent discover:
My believing in the good in everyone will be the end of me.
... presently debating if this is something that I should keep or get rid of. As much as I am pessimistic and cynical, I always seem to give people multiple chances no matter what they do, because I know that there is some good in them and that it will pull through to shine brighter than any of their flaws. But really, how long will this last.

And I make no sense right now.

On a completely different note, I have realised that everytime Julia sleeps over at my place, I try to tell her something or give her something while I'm asleep, with only a faint memory of it in the morning. As for her, she's half asleep when it happens and doesn't understand how my brain works, so she doesn't get it until I explain it to her in the morning... that is if I can remember. Prime example: i was trying to give her a butter knife, woke up with my hand stretched out to her as if to give her something, and asked myself where the butter knife went.

This entry is making even less sense. So now, I shall officially leave with my expression of the week:
NYAH!

I'm officially no longer employed for the next 3 months. It's somehow a relief because I'll be able to live again, but sad at the same time because I will miss some people at work, my wicked discount, and working somehow gives me a sense of responsibility that I enjoy. ... BUT... I no longer have to deal with idiot customers. Luckily, today, I only had good customers, so no complaints for that. And now to reveal the top three worst/annoying customers of the season.

Case 1: in person, store is buzzing with people and there's so much noise you have to scream to talk to people... I am doing sales at the cash, little old lady (why is it always the little old ladies) walks up to me
Me: Hi, did you find everything you were looking for?
Customer *in a really high-pitched English accent, but the type that isn't pleasant to the ears, but the really irritating one that sounds like a yippie dog*: I actually have a cd that was transferred from the Kanata store for me.
Me: Okay, what's your last name.
Customer: *mumbles something*
Me: I'm sorry I didn't quite catch that.
Customer: Brassen *said very softly*
Me: Okay, let me just get that for you. *looks through the drawer of ABC last names and doesn't find cd* I'm sorry how do you spell your last name?
Customer: PRESTON! MY GOD WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?
Me: I'm sorry, I misunderstood.*raises eyebrown, clenches jaw, and turns around slowly to the drawers, rummages through drawers trying to not take what she just said as a huge insult as my manager gives me this look of pity... finally finds cd and turns back to the lady* All right, I found it. Was it a Peter Sellers cd?
Customer: Yes it was. *I hand cd to customer so she can look at it* All right, I'll take it.
Me: Okay... *rings cd through*... that comes to $25.56.
Customer: WHAT? You can't be serious! Is this cd made of gold or something. That's a ridiculous price.
Me: Did you still want to buy it?
Customer: Yes... I guess I have to.
Me *totals the sale and gives her change*: Here's your change mam.
Customer: No, you know what? I don't want this cd anymore. It's unbelievably expensive and it's not even what I wanted.
Me *grunts inwardly screaming YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS GO AWAY!*: So you don't want it anymore.
Customer: No, I refuse to buy this, I want my money back.
Me: All right, I'll make a return for you.
... I shall spare you all the rest of the conversation as it is just me droning out anything else that she has to say and just doing my job like a machine and her not cooperating...

Case 2: phone call
Me: CD Warehouse on Clyde how can I help you?
Customer: Hi, I'm looking for a song and I think you might have a record... I mean, cd of it.
Me: Okay, what's the title of the song?
Customer: I don't know the title of the song, but I do know that it was a Christmas song and that Porky Pig sang it. I heard it on the radio.
Me *rolls eyes and falls to the ground muttering ''you can't be serious'' *: Uh, I'm sorry mam, but we don't have any Christmas CD's with Porky Pig singing on them. *checking on the computer quickly in the process to be sure... no results*
Customer: Well, could you please check again for me?
Me: I'll do my best. *puts customer on hold and turns to nearest staff member* Ever heard of a Christmas CD in the store with Porky Pig as the singer?
Jen (staff): What are you talking about?
Me: Thought as much. *puts customer off hold* I'm sorry, but there doesn't seem to be that cd in the store.
Customer: Well, could you please look up on your computer if you have a cd with Corky Christmas as the title or something along those lines.
Me: *types in computer... no results* Sorry, we don't have that title listed.
Customer: But I really want this song is there any way you can find it for me.
Me *with no more patience left*: No, I'm sorry, I can't find that song for you.
Customer: What if you looked it up on the internet for me.
Me *so irritated*: Well, our internet computer is presently occupied so I can't use it (lie, I just wanted to get rid of her).
Customer: Oh okay, then I guess I'll look it up on the internet right now. Thanks!
Me *hangs up without saying anything else*

Case 3: phone call
Me: CD Warehouse on Clyde how can I help you?
Customer: Hi, I'm looking for a song, but I don't know who sings it and I don't know what it's called.
Me *sighes*: Do you know any lyrics to the song?
Customer: Lyrics?
Me: Yeah, as in, the words of the song?
Customer: No, I don't any of them. But I do know it's on an album with the word ''Dream'' in it.
Me *sweatdrop*: I'm sorry, but I'll need more information to find that song.
Customer: Well, I don't have anything else.

So there you have it folks! The worst three customers. There really are stupid, lazy, and impolite people out there. Judge for yourself which one is the worst and leave a comment. I'm off to eat and bounce of the walls.

I'm at work (aka, CD Warehouse), and I'm so sick and tired of working here now. I think I went through an overdose of CDW. But anyway, tomorrow is the last shift. WOO HOO! Going back to TO on the 7th early in the morning. Can't wait to leave work. Stupid customers that drive me insane. GAHH!
ANYWAY!
again... I love Rent...
I must see Narnia soon
I wonder how it'll be to go back to Toronto, if any changes will strike me.
*phone rings*
Me: Hello, CD Warehouse on Clyde, Nathalie speaking.
Customer: Uh... um... okay.. *mumble*
Me: Uh... excuse me?
Customer: I would like to *mumble* order that I made.
Me: Okay, what's your phone number?
Customer: Uh, I didn't give my name or my phone number for the order.
Me: *sighes deeply and inwardly and tries to find any ounce of patience left*

So, ANYWAY! Just to say, can't wait for it to be over.
The new year is here, and I'm lacking the new year spirit, possibly because it started on a weird note, but I'll get over it.

To the rest of you, I have no words of inspiration and should get back to work.

So I have been getting complaints from people that I haven't been writing in my livejournal lately. To that, my apologies. The last couple of weeks of university consisted of me spending about five hours everyday in the editing room trying to make my films work... when it felt like they were total crap... and trying to develop photos in a darkroom under construction (which ended up turning on the fire alarm and I had to rush out of the building with all of my darkroom stuff as to avoid losing approximately 50$ worth of material). As for when I get back home, well, for those of you who have actually talked to me, you know that since the 15th of December, I have been working 9 hours everyday without a day off (at the exception of Christmas). Take my word for it people, I'm a workaholic and even I don't think that I can pull this off. Thank god tomorrow it was been cut down to only three hours... which means a full day to go out and work on my DC project. (GAH... STUPID HOLIDAY HOMEWORK... damn C&T... must start studying for exam and planning essay... work less... study more... or actually... it would be better if it was see friends more, work less, and not study... but I guess that's not happening... oh life... WHY DO YOU DEFY ME SO!?)

A-N-Y-W-A-Y

...

I guess I'll have to entertain you all with my new introspective thought of the night. Hokay (and no, this isn't a typo you stupid people who don't understand where this comes from), so here goes!

... sidenote: I LOVE RENT... end sidenote

Since my arrival back in Ottawa, I have felt as though I have been living two completely different lives. It seems as thought I have not yet been able to connect my Toronto self with my Ottawa self. Now that I have been here for nearly a week and a half, it's odd that I'm slipping right back into all of my old habits, living the life I use to have, and pretty much forgetting that I have spend approximately four months in Toronto. It almost seems as thought it hasn't happened. I thought that I wouldn't be as submissive with my parents after getting a taste of freedom, but I am again and never question them when they tell me to be home at a certain time and not to see my friends. For example, I was hanging out with Dylan, Fraser (guys from work), Dave (their friend), and Noémi after work. We had supper and then I said that I had to be home because my parents hadn't seen me in two days, but they really wanted me to stick around with them. I did as well, but could only think about my parents and told them I had to leave. Now I'm kind of sitting here, typing on my lap top regretting it and wishing that I stayed in the car and went to Fraser's house to hang out. In Toronto, I wouldn't even have questioned it. I would have stayed with them all night if I could... but I didn't.

Even at this moment, I'm chatting with Jenny over msn, which feels odd, because I'm so use to chatting to her on msn in my room at Ryerson and not in my basement with my cat rubbing himself against me. It feels so odd to just be talking to a friend over the internet... whom I have gotten close with and love talking to... in a different environment.

Then there's the fact that I'm back at my old job, working with the same people, and nine hours everyday. It is as though CD Warehouse has consumed my life once again and is taking every last ounce of energy in my body day after day. It's good money though, and that's something that I am in dire need of right now. The people at work call me Nathalie as well, at the exception of a few, which is odd in its own, considering that I haven't really gone by that name in a really long time. It's an adjustment hearing my French name again everyday. Sometimes, it seems like they're talking to a stranger that I just so happen to be standing in front of.

I've also barely talked to anyone from Ryerson since I've been back. I'm just barely online because I'm always working, and when I am online, there isn't anyone online to talk to. It's a schedule thing. So just the fact that I've barely talked to anyone makes it seem even more so that I was never in Toronto. I know that I have friends at Ryerson and in Toronto, and that they're very real and I am looking forward to seeing them again, but it's as though they are part of this entirely different life of mine.

One strange habit... and I think that it might be because of my intensive work schedule... but I can't stay up past midnight without feeling drained of all energy. I had trouble sleeping before 2am in Toronto.

ANYWAY, all to say that it's odd... being back home... because it feels as though Toronto itself was nothing but a dream... or that I am dreaming of my past life right now and waiting to wake up on a Monday morning to go to DC and exchange music tastes with Denver during class. I guess I'm still waiting for that connection to click in... because I'm living two lives right now and it feels like only one of them can be real... but I haven't decided which one it is.

I think that was enough ranting. I finally updated and it's long, lol. I feel like reviewing something stupid again. lol

PS. RENT ROCKS MY SOCKS AND MY CLOCKS AND MY DOCKS AND MY C... uh... let's not go there... too many rhymes coming into my head... I'm wondering if I should even post this... because I don't think I should... but... MEH! So is life! :)

I don't wanna understand this horror
There's a weight in your eyes I can't admit
Everybody ends up here in bottles
But the name tag's the last thing you wanted

As the world explodes
We fall out of it
And you can't let go
Because this will not go away
There's a house built out in space

And I can't see that thief that lives inside of your head
But I can be some courage at the side of your bed
And I don't know what's happening and I can't pretend
But I can be your, be your

Someone help us understand who ordered
This disgusting arrangement, time and then the end
I don't wanna hear who walked on water
'Cause the hallways are empty, clocks tick

As the world implodes we fall in to it
And we can't go home
Because this will not go away
There's a house built out in space

And I can't see the thief that lives inside your head
But I can be some courage at the side of your bed
And I don't know what's happening and I can't pretend
It's a long, long get away,
It's a long, long get away
Make it home again, make it home again
It's a long, long get away,
It's a long, long get away

I cant see the thief that lives inside your head
But I can be some courage at the side of your bed
I don't know what's happening and I can't pretend
But I can be your, be your
I'm here
But I can be your, be you
I'm here
It's a long, long get away...

Hello you all! I feel as though I have very few words today. All I have to say is, I like my weekend so far!
Friday night: Julia and Jenny are coming over
Saturday night: Going to see Les Misérables
Sunday day: Photo session
Sunday night: HOLLY ARRIVES IN TORONTO!

So here are a pack of photos from Hallowe'en on Church street (the gay district of Toronto).


( TRICK OR TREAT! )

The new wave of boy bands!

http://media.ebaumsworld.com/wmv/yatta.wmv

I have no words... except... crazy Japs!

Edit: October 29th 12:32pm
As an answer to popular demand, here are the lyrics to the song translated in plain old English.
( Englishu! Domo Arigatou! )

Okay, so I'm really late to review this video considering it has already been on the air for a whole season, but I just can't take it anymore. Never has there been a video that has actually made me nauseous at the end. I'm not joking, I seriously feel like throwing up while watching Jessica Simpson's video These Boots Are Made For Walkin'. It is a tacky and badly sex-driven video that puts Jessica Simpson right up there on the metre of ultra-skankiness. I wanted to put screen caps with this post, but sadly enough, my computer wouldn't let me, so I'll just work with the fact that you've all seen this video already.

The video starts off with Jessica pulling up in an old car. As she walks out, the camera focusses on a pair of red cowboy boots stepping out of the car. I believe that the steps were suppose to show her sexy and independent side, for the first step dug itself into the sand covered ground and second one just placed itself in front in an almost teasing manner. This is probably the best acting of the entire video, and even at that it is overly done. Soon enough, you see Jessica Simpson outside of the car, looking into the camera seductively with too much eyeliner (even more than I usually wear) saying "Are you ready boots? Start walkin'" in possibly the worst fake accent I have ever heard. If she were anymore nasal saying it, I would have taken it as an alien language. Soon enough, she closes the car door and struts her stuff... and by strut, I mean looking like she has stick up her ass and is swaying her hips in every direction possible to try and get it out.

Now, it's time to hit the bars and tease all of the men with high sexual dances in short shorts and a mini-top that can only cover her boobs while she's dancing if it is taped to her bra... but who says that she's wearing a bra at all!? Anyway, Jessica delivers wonderful dancing, that one can only find in a strip joint, the second we enter the bar. She seems to be humping a cue while trying to balance a beer bottle. I can honestly say that the day that she fails to be a singer, she will not be able to be a waitress, because there are several times where it is plainly obvious that the bottle is glued to her tray, or else it would fall on the ground and smash into pieces. We also learn how Jessica Simpson manages to get around in the town, for she befriends all of the officers with a short and sweet lap dance, allowing them to have full view of her boobs. I guess the lesson to learn here young girl is that if you want to be respected by the authorities, flash a bit of cleavage and a lot of ass and you're good to go. While she’s giving the police officer a lap dance, she sings "Now you’re looking right where I thought you’d be looking"... uh, yeah! Of course he’s looking at your T&A, you’re only shaking them right in front of his face. What do you expect him to look at?

Well, back to work, as she continues to strut her hot red boots all over the bar counter while shaking her ass some more to all of the young and handsome men. One of them doesn’t even look like he’s out of high school (oh my!).

Away from the bar, Jessica continues to strut while serving another bottle of beer (I bet it’s the same one, and she always has only one bottle... ALL THE TIME). I swear, her walk is so overly done that she must have gotten back and leg cramps by the end of the day. Anyway, so a guy decides to slap her ass as she’s walking by... anyone else noticing how this video is pretty much solely concentrated on her ass?!... and she decides to act as the sweet tease, dropping her butt in his lap and groping her breasts (as she sings "these double-d initials work to run"), then proceeding to punch him in the face with a highly offended face. Well, maybe if you weren’t so busy acting like a skank and showing that the full extent of your knowledge is how to give a lap dance he wouldn’t have treated you that way. This scene is also another moment of proof that the beer bottle is glued to the tray, because no one would be able to punch someone that hard and keep all objects in the other hand balanced.

Thus proceeding to the best part of the video: the bar fight. It is senseless violence that doesn’t really bring much to the video, but at least it’s a temporary distraction from Jessica Simpson. We also get to see Willie Nelson’s first appearance. All that I have to say to Willie Nelson is "Why? WHY OH WHY WILLIE? Are you desperate or something?".

The bar fight doesn’t last very long and we soon find Jessica actually onstage singing while Willie Nelson plays the guitar. Okay, I’m pretty much going to skip this whole part, at the exception of saying that instead of overly arching her back to show off her ass, Jessica decides to spice things up and arch her back to show off her boobs.

The bar fight comes to and end and Jessica and her group of sexy female back up dancers proceed to bring life to the bruised and beaten men again by giving them a little dance. I’ll give props to the choreographer for only one thing; he or she managed to have good foot placement for "tick tock all around the clock", because he or she actually used the rhythm of the song to make foot work (you don’t see a whole lot of that nowadays). Sadly enough, those three seconds are over quickly and bad strip joint dancing takes over once again in clothes three sizes too small.

Of course, the next scene is the unforgettable car wash. Now, everyone knows that all girls wash cars in their bikinis and stiletto heels with make up. We have to look our best after all! ... *okay, enough of that*... What I find really strange isn’t the way that Jessica is dressed, but mostly that she is dressed so revealingly when there are no males around and it’s her OWN car. Does anyone else find this strange? I guess that her favourite pass-time is washing her car in the garage in the most sexual way possible with no one watching (poor Nick, he’s missing out!). One of my main concerns is what does this carwash scene have to do with the rest of the music video? It looks more like something that young boys who still haven’t completely hit puberty look at to try and understand what sexuality is... and then probably have liquid dreams to. I mean, Jessica doesn’t even wear her red boots for this. If she was, then there would have been more of a significance since the camera is on her boots (when it’s not on a revealing part of her body). I feel also the need to point out that the cinematography for this scene was poorly done. I have no idea what the guy was trying to do, but whatever it was, it didn’t work. That’s pretty much how the rest of the video goes: Jessica having sex with her own car (does anyone else find this really disturbing?).

Now, it’s time to count!
Jessica struts in an almost painful way: 8 times
Jessica shows off her butt: 21 times
Jessica shows off her tits: 23 times
And she says that she doesn’t intend to use sex to sell her music. Well, the statistics are against her!

All in all, this video sucked! It sucked really bad! There was about a total of 15 seconds that I liked of this video, and they were all shots that strayed away from Jessica. I just don’t understand why she decided to take a perfectly good song by Nancy Sinatra - about a woman who is telling her man that he should be careful, because she won’t stand up for his lying and antics - to a song about being the biggest tease in the world, but never giving any. I seriously feel bad for men after watching this. They must be so confused, because an attractive woman keeps coming onto them, but the second they show any form of interest in her, she gives them the cold shoulder or punches them. What kind of a lesson is that? No wonder some guys (not all, some) don't know how to approach girls. Videos like this are their How To guides.

Now, I have seen this nauseating video far too many times for you people, so I will go now and drown out the horrible song with some good old fashioned rock, as well as try to grow back some brain cells by studying philosophy.